Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the room spins SO much faster in panama
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
