Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
