The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
