U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Randomize
