Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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