Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
