Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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