"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
