I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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