So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
