So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
