she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
