Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
