we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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