life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
