Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
