porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
