If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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