And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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