i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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