halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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