It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
