she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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