I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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