Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
