We tried having a conversation with our noses.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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