I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Drake has all the answers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
