I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
