Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
