I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
