She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize