i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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