Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
