No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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