Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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