I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
