So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
