so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
