What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
