so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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