There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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