1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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