can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
