today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
