Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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