Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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