We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
