I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
