this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
