there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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