Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
