Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
